Will I ever get out of the 170's? I came so close at 171 but now I'm at 174. This is so disgusting. I hate even posting my cw. I mean, yeah 7 months ago I was at 254 but still 174 is sick fat and unacceptable. My gw is 130 by summer. Instead of grabbing some vegs on my lunch break I resorted to my car to smoke. I feel empty thank god. Nothing feels as good as empty does.

I literally feel beyond disgusting right now. This is the feeling I have to remember after I eat. So I have been so frustruated lately with the scale because everytime I don't eat I was still gaining weight. I figured it was before my period and that was why. So when I got my period today I was so happy but now I am the most depressed I've been in forever and I'm in disney world epcot. Yesterday I was in magic kingdom and I was doing ok I had salad for lunch and no dinner. I didn't go down a pound. I have been restricting for a while and the scale wasn't going down I was so so so frustruated. Anyway I had a few bites of fruit this morning and I was doing fine until comes 4pm when I was ravenous. I have been with my family a lot so it has been hard to dodge meals but this meal I didn't want to dodge. I was soooo completely famished no amount of diet coke or coffee was quenching this hunger. So we decide to get mexican bigg mistake huge. I ordered some taco salad in like a tortilla which was the closest thing to healthy even though it wasn't. I figured I'd pick at the lettuce and stuff. Not only did I eat the whole probably 2000 calorie thing but I even kept eating it when I was full. Then not only did I have period cramps but I had severe stomach pains. I'm not used to eating that much. I got so extremely depressed I couldn't be around people or anyone. I left epcot at 430pm because of how obese I felt. I couldn't bare to have people looking at me. I am waiting for my bus back to the hotel now. My stupid thoughts ruined my day. It ruins everyday. When I step on the scale, Eat, or don't eat I'm still depressed. Always. Its disgusting. I couldn't stay in the park. My gut is bulging. The scale keeps going up. Guys I just can't take this cycle anymore everyday weighing depression self hate. I'm going out of my mind. Now I'm going to go step on the scale and get my huge fatass of a number and then lay under the covers in the hotel and cry. After my period I better be back to 112. Today I was 116. This is a nightmare

I have eaten far too much today. But Im not going to moan cus that wont change anything. Instead I am going to do yoga and as many sit-ups as my body can physically do. I went on the Wii fit earlier which was good. I wish I could go for a run but it's late here and dark. I would love to run and run and leave all the calories behind me. Anyways, tomorrow is a new day and I am going to do better. I am going shopping so will be out of the house for ages, and have housework to do before that so that will keep me busy.

Hope everyone had a good day,

Much love

Ash
xxx

Any advice on diet pills? do they supress ur appitite and what ones r the best?
Sorry if I offend anyone with these question I know how sum people feel about diet pills and lax but Im at my wits end! please just help me this once.

I took senokot last nite, Im still waitin on the effects, first time ever usin Lax........NOT IMPRESSED!!

Im fuckin sick of this countin numbers and always thinkin of the best way to lose the weight! Worryin about who's gonna make me eat next, forget the diet pills maybe I shud b lookin for anti depressants :o(

xx

I DID IT Y'ALL WOO I DID IT!!! I reached my first goal weight haha heck yes!! Im finally 95Lbs again and NOTHING is gonna screw it up this time! Im gonna get lower! Now im just 2 more pounds away from my second goal weight 93lbs. I hope everyone is doing great, I know I am!! :D. I love ALL of you!!!!! :D Stay Strong!!!(:

I've stayed from ana and my goals a lot this year, but I'm back. I feel it more than ever. The only difference is that I'm gonna try the support thing. I have confidence it will help me stick to my goals.

I really need friends, so add me please.

Any tips or tricks for my first day? I could really use some.
I've already took a diet pill that suppresses my appetite, I use to use it all the time. I've started my morning with a large glass of water. Mmmmm no calories. :) 


by the way if anyone was wondering my profile pic has been my #1 thinspo. I just love that picture.

Hi my names lee my stats are h:5'6
cw:121
hw:160
lw:114
gw1:120
gw2:115
and so on.

i hope you all had a good xmas, i binged all day but since then i've lost 5 pound so i am happy for now. can't to running tomorrow.

*stay strong*

so i found out something....and its not something i read- its happening to me currently.

the less u eat....the less u eat.

and im assuming vice versa...

yea i think so...i remember back in the day- lol - i hate that expression- when i used to pig out, i actually used to eat more and more. like it wouldnt stop at one time. it would be a cycle of more food over more food.

yuck.

now im just ... i dunno.. im losing my appetite coz im barely thinking of food and i cant be bothered.

the less im eating, the less im eating the next day.

and its not like im trying even.

i guess thats the way your appetite is. just dont make a fuss out of it and worry over every bite i suppose.
but do watch your carbs coz they will make u crave food ( due to sugar release and all that ) .

i stick to veg. and protein and i think thats whats keeping me from ... well..i dunnoo.. making food the main highlight of my day i suppose.

good luck to u all ladies and i hope u all have a wonderful evening. <3

Hey all,
So I wanted to share what i've found out to be an awesome total body workout.....rock climbing!  especially bouldering.  My bf is a climber and works at a rock climbing gym, and I started going all the time.  It gets every single muscle in your body.....ones you didn't know you had.  I haven't found anything else that makes me feel like I'm really working out everything.  And I've definitely lost weight, I was 145+ at the beginning of the month and I was down to 137 yesterday.  Woo hoo!  It's really good for your core, so you feel strong and thin in the abs.  And as an added bonus, most of the people that go to the rock gyms (at least where I live in CO) have amazing bodies, SUPER slim and toned, so that's good thinspo while you're working out!  Just thought I'd share this little tidbit....if you've never tried it give it a go if you can!

Noelle

11:54 pm: monday, december 28, 2009
Ahh the new year is quickly approaching, and I'm sure there will be lots of new year resolutions...I need to sit down and carefully think about what I plan to do. ;) Fun, fun...Anyhow, I decided to take pictures this evening since I already had the camera out and it didn't matter to me.

current weight=132.0

Please comment, heck I don't normally do this, and please don't lie or just be nice. I NEED to hear the truth, it's the best motivation to me BY FAR. And to me it is a positive thing if you leave a negative comment on my body. However, I'm not like "Grr, I've GOT to change that now now NOW!" I'm more like "Okay so this is really what any person would think of me. Am i happy with it or not? If not, then I want to make it better." Nothing too obsessive in my mind...of course i still am a little though lol

( pictures... )

Did anyone see the documentary last night on the anorexic girl cutting herself? It was on the a and e channel not sure if everyone gets that channel.

 Bought a Sony Ericsson and I love it! I put there some thinspiring photos and now it's absolutely perfect for motivating me. ^^

So I have only three days before my diet starts. Any tips for the very possible bad days? It will be a 155 day's project, just counted.. From 1/1/2010 to 5/6/2010, the graduation day of my friends.

Today I'm going shopping with my bf. Weird?? : D

Have a successful day!

Does anyone live in Los angeles?
I'm near echo park, and I want someone I can see in person.
I could use a friend right about now
Let me knowww:)
Best luck to you loves<3

my deepest apologies for hibernating off this community for more than a week >_<
i have used up my internet quota for december, so i'm now stealing off my neighbour's internet.

losing weight wise, it's still an endless battle of binge-lax on my side.
but new year's coming.
and this week is when new years' day falls in.

i've gotta do it.
if i could lose at least 1kg per week, it would be 14kgs by my birthday.
i'm now tipping the scales at 49-50kgs (f*ckin' GROSS)

Im having like the worst hunger pains right now, and I dont even know why! I ate alot today and didnt purge anything. i didnt eat until around 4. I ate ALOT of salad with tiny bits of chicken n some of it, an orange, a bagel, a brownie, and a tiny reeces pieces. but I stopped at 7 im trying not to eat after 7pm. But hey I lost a pound though even after eating all that. im now 1 pound a way from my first goal weight, 95Lbs!

Hi everyone, I just got on here, very relieved to have found what looks like a good community for this.  I've completely re-lapsed like 30 fold and i feel like i'm clawing for anything to help keep my head on straight, so hopefully being able to share on here will help!  Looking forward to getting to know some of you......

peace :)

-N

Ahhh finally I could post. Sorry guys I have been m I a. I have not been posting because I've literally been surrounded by family 24/7. We are in florida. First 3 days we stayed with grandma which was fun. Not. I skipped out on christmas dinner and said I wasn't hungry. My italian grandma was forcefeeding me all trip. I just kept refusing. I'm up like 2.5 pounds because I'm due for my period so that is making me feel disgusting. My grandma asked my mom why I don't eat and what's wrong with me. My sister and brother r like why don't u eat. Then they mock me and call me ana. I packed a scale with me and I didn't check it this morning. I'm waiting a little because I can't bare to see it before my period. Today and yesterday went well. Yesterday was ok I had 5 strawberries then a grilled chx salad with vinegar and oil and cranberries. The bad part was I had a few fries and a few chips with artichoke dip. Then today I think I did really well. I had a banana and a salad with like 4 little grilled chx strips mushrooms and no dressing. I didn't pick at my sister or brothers fries. See its really tough here because we are in disney world and there is all fattening greasy foods so I get grilled chx ceasar salad without the dressing or croutons and I take off the cheese. Then I had a coffee and we get to dinner and I'm thinking jenn think about stepping on that scale. I'm sitting here now looking at my family eating chicken fingers and fries. I said I don't feel well. I am strong how are you all


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i seriously neeeeeed buddiez.

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